Sexual assault, is a general term that includes any forced or unwanted sexual activity, including rape, incest, sexual abuse, and molestation. Sexual assault includes any forced or unwanted touching of an intimate part of the body.
Rape, is forced sexual intercourse. A rapist can be a stranger or someone the victim knows including a spouse, date, or family member. Anyone may be a victim of rape: women, men or children, straight or gay.
Consent, it's a powerful word that, for some bizarre reason, is still argued about to this day. It seems many people still don’t really get what ‘consent’ means.
And it shouldn't be. But for many, it still is. Mystifying, right? So RDPP broke it down in the best way possible: with a metaphor so simple, even those who have historically had trouble grasping the concept should be able to understand. We'll let her do the talking:
If you’re still struggling with the concept of consent just imagine instead of initiating sex that you are offering them a cup of tea.
You say, “Hey, would you like a cup of tea?” and they go, “omg, yes, I would love a cup of tea! Thank you!” Then you know they want a cup of tea. If they are unconscious, don't make them a cup of tea. Unconscious people can't answer the question, "Do you want a cup of tea?" because they are unconscious.
If you say “Hey, would you like a cup of tea?” and they um and ahh and say, “I’m not really sure…” then you can make them a cup of tea or not, but be aware that they might not drink it, and if they don’t drink it then – this is the important bit – don’t make them drink it. You can’t blame them for you going to the effort of making the tea on the off-chance they wanted it; you just have to deal with them not drinking it. Just because you made it doesn’t mean you are entitled to watch them drink it.
If they say, “No thank you,” then don’t make them tea. At all. Don’t make them tea, don’t make them drink tea, don’t get annoyed at them for not wanting tea. They just don’t want tea, okay?
They might say “Yes please, that’s kind of you” and then when the tea arrives they actually don’t want the tea at all. Sure, that’s kind of annoying as you’ve gone to the effort of making the tea, but they remain under no obligation to drink the tea. They did want tea, now they don’t. Sometimes people change their mind in the time it takes to boil that kettle and brew the tea. And it’s ok for people to change their mind, and you are still not entitled to watch them drink it even though you went to the trouble of making it.
If they are unconscious, don’t make them tea. Unconscious people don’t want tea and can’t answer the question, “Do you want tea” because they are unconscious.
Okay, maybe they were conscious when you asked them if they wanted tea, and they said yes, but in the time it took you to boil that kettle and brew the tea they are now unconscious. You should just put the tea down, make sure the unconscious person is safe, and – this is the important bit – don’t make them drink the tea.
If someone said yes to tea, started drinking it and then passed out before they’d finished it, don’t keep on pouring it down their throat. Take the tea away and make sure they are safe. Because unconscious people don’t want tea. Trust me on this.
If someone said “yes” to tea around your house last Saturday, that doesn’t mean that they want you to make them tea all the time. They don’t want you to come around unexpectedly to their place and make them tea and force them to drink it, going, “BUT YOU WANTED TEA LAST WEEK”, or to wake up to find you pouring tea down their throat, going, “BUT YOU WANTED TEA LAST NIGHT”
The genius of this metaphor basically exposes everything -- EVERYTHING!! -- that's wrong with unevolved dinosaurs who think the issue of consent is a complicated one. It's not. It's tea. Brilliant!!
Bonus?? It also works on kids. Just replace tea with ice cream. Though we suppose that works for adults, too.